my mental health. This will be triggering for those that are high-functioning anxious and depressed individuals so just be aware of this.
Since the start of puberty, I have been an anxious and depressed person. I have hidden this side of me to protect myself from those that would take advantage of my willingness to be vulnerable. It has come back to bite me in the ass more than once. Everyone that I have hidden it from is extremely surprised when I come forward telling them that I have issues with my mental health and body image and the fact that I have for years.
Mental health issues don't show in every person in the same way. The media unfortunately has helped to perpetuate this perspective and stereotype. This keeps the outside world on the outside and never truly able to understand what the person suffering is going through until it is too late most of the time.
For me, it shows up when I am sick due to overworking myself to the point beyond burnout. These conditioned traits of overworking myself to the point of illness that I need to isolate which I hate more than anything. Isolation is a feeling and emotion that is not enjoyable to me but too much of it can push me over the edge.
This happened recently around a week ago on my birthday and the day after. I had been ill and was finally getting better but was triggered by a family member on my birthday who called to ask if they could invite a complete stranger to my Master's degree graduation. This was after they got the Happy Birthday obligatory message out of the way! I then proceeded to drink too much alcohol and mix my medicines into the mix. These medicines include anti-anxiety and anti-depressants which are NOT SUPPOSED to be mixed with alcohol!! DON'T BE ME!! This pushed me to the point of asking existential questions and thinking that I would be better, not alive.
I am doing much better! I wrote this to help others facing their mental health issues alone or are scared to talk about it to others! We all need help at times in our lives! Please call the 24/7 hotlines when needed, I luckily had someone who was staying with me so they made sure I was doing okay and not doing anything suspicious. Reach out to your people because they do care about you!
